Dear Internet Publishers:
I am hereby cancelling my subscription to the interwebs. Please do not have a representative call me at home, and definitely do not send a sales rep to my home in order to persuade me to change my mind. They will be shot on site. You have been warned.
Now I'm sure you are wondering exactly what has made me come to the drastic conclusion to cancel my prepaid lifetime subscription, and yes, I fully understand that per the contract that was signed, no refund will be given. That is fine. I just simply cannot take it anymore.
The amount of stupidity I am finding on your sites, pages, and links... Well, they are driving me bat shit insane. Like "licking windows, I need a helmet, please put the straight jacket on me, where's my padded room at?" kind of insane. And I just can't take it anymore.
Somehow, one way or another (and I'm pretty damn sure that you're solely responsible for this too, but I don't know how to prove it), I keep winding up at websites or blogs belonging to these damn Militant Breast Feeding Moms. I'm pretty sure there is a conspiracy out there to convert me to their "side", to admit that there is no way I formula fed my totally awesome and kick ass children (which I so totally did, btw), or just to plain drive me crazy. I hate to admit that they are slowly winning that last battle there.
I keep coming across these bat shit crazy women, who try to convince me that formula is a product of Satan, and that all of us mother's who formula feed our children are leading the world straight into the apocalypse... like the four horsemen are going to be released at the unsealing of an Enfamil can or some shit. We're all raising a legion of devil worshipping, sickly, stupid, formula fed children.
I get completely riled up over these ignorant people with far too much time on their hands, and suddenly I find myself typing up long-winded rebuttals to these things. I find that I am wasting far too much of MY time coming up with clever come-backs and one liners to make these wretched, horrible women shut the fuck up. Time I could easily be spending shopping online or researching an ingenious cure for male pattern baldness or something.
And then I realized, oh purveyor's of the interwebs, that you could have easily prevented my mental breakdown, had you simply recognized these fellow subscribers as the bat shit crazy women that they are and simply blocked their bullshit from coming across my monitor. Had you done this simple little task that I ask of you, I would not find myself desperately trying to find a way to escape these MBFM's.
So, please cancel my subscription. I'm also cancelling my subscription to the news media as well, and as far as televised entertainment goes, I guess I'm stuck to daytime PBS which every mom should know by the time their first child is in utero, is filled with inane child programs meant to instill great knowledge (as much as ABC and 123 can be considered great knowledge) and powerful morals (such as the great wisdom of sharing) into our children... which means that my poor jelly-like brain mass is safe from the likes of your other crazy, bat shit insane subscribers.
Besides, all that bullshit filling up these tubes is bound to lead to a massive blockage that is eventually someday going to explode all over this country. You'll find me safe in my fallout shelter located securely on Sesame Street. I'll be the one hiding out with Oscar.
Love Always,
Teh Best Mom Evah!!!
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