You know, I'm just going to come right out and say what all of us moms think to ourselves, but never really say.
Being a mom sucks. It sucks big, fat, sweaty, smelly, donkey balls. It really does.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, and these kids are absolutely my life. My entire universe revolves around these little shit bags. But seriously, this shit sucks. The two oldest are teenagers now, and while they are still pretty damn close to me, comparatively speaking, it can really swing either way any day of the week. The 9yo is edging closer and closer to those god awful teenage years, and while she still thoroughly enjoys and adores her mother, there are times where I feel like we just have nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, in common. The 5yo, my baby, my little angel, is still just as sweet as ever, still completely innocent, and still loves his mommy more than anything in the world. I know this, because he told me so, right after he told me that I make "his heart feel good!" (How fucking cute is that shit??)
As much as being a mom sucks, being a single mother is even worse. We're expected to have all the answers, provide all the comfort, dole out all the punishment, crack all the whips, prepare all the meals, and give all the love. This can be SUCH a nightmare. One moment you're giving hugs and kisses and the next, you're spanking butts. You get all the emotional crud from the teenagers, and then have to keep the smile on your face when the younger ones walk into the room. You have to be June Cleaver at all the PTA meetings, be Elaine O'Connor Nardo when everyone needs transportation to and from events, malls, birthday parties, and whatever else. You have to be Betty Fucking Crocker when everyone is hungry, because God knows, if you feed them mac n' cheese or peanut butter sandwiches one more time, someone in this home is going to snap.
Waking up at 6 a.m., looking around the house that you were just far too worn out and too tired to clean the night before, you make a quick assessment of what needs to be done. Start with the living room, it's always the easiest, because you can watch The Today Show (or Good Morning America, depending on your taste), while you slowly finish waking up. Start a load of laundry on your way to the kitchen to start the dishes from last nights dinner, clean the floors that everyone seems to think is a trash can. Once the first child wakes up, start preparing breakfast for everyone while keeping the conscious child entertained. Then it's time to prepare for whatever appointments or errands you now have to run for the day. But don't forget to take something out for dinner, otherwise you're going to be scrambling closer to dinner time for something to make. Taking something out the freezer means you are going to spend the day running through all of your memorized recipes in the back of your mind until you finally settle on one that suits you AND won't kill you OR your budget to make AND everyone will eat without complaining. Good luck on that last one. If you make any stops at the store, be sure to remember that super duper important item that you've never purchased before that the child/teenager is throwing a temper tantrum of epic proportions to get because GOD KNOWS THEY CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT AND SURELY THEIR LIFE WILL BE RUINED WITHOUT IT. Make sure you spend the last of your available money to pay whatever bills you can, then rush home to start dinner, all while answering whatever inane questions get thrown at you, entertaining the youngest children, serve dinner, and then start preparing baths, fold a load of laundry from the dryer then start a new load. Argue with the children over bed time, get everyone rounded up and into pajama's and into their beds, and then finally, after all the stories have been read, prayers said, final glass of water drank, extra big hugs and kisses have been given out, then finally, FINALLY, you have time for yourself..... Only..... What do you do? You either pass out, or do more housework. Or, perhaps you have that one pet project that one of the kids sprung on you at the last moment before bed time that now you find yourself staying up all night to finish for the deadline of TOMORROW MORNING!
*Sigh* Motherhood sucks.
And then you have teenagers.
The god forsaken, punishment to all human beings, emotional roller coasters the likes of which Harry G. Traver could never imagine, hellions that they are. God bless your soul if you have now, or have ever had a teenager living under your roof. And if you are going to have a teenager in the future, prepare yourself now. RUN, WOMAN, RUN!!! GET THE HELL OUT NOW!!!! You are going to hear some of the most fucked up shit come from their mouths (if you're lucky enough to be one of the few parents that actually owns the verbal model), you are going to wonder constantly what the hell they are thinking, what the hell is wrong with them, and what the hell they are on. And you may never know the answer to ANY of these golden questions that could give you SO much damn insight into their little world.
And I do not give a flying fuck if you are a young mother and remember your teenage years so vividly because they're still "fairly" fresh in your mind, because this is STILL not going to help you. It doesn't matter if you can clearly recall all your emotional ups and downs, or what the hell YOU were thinking.... Today's generation is always going to be a little more fucked up and twisted than the previous one. Doesn't matter when you read this, it will STILL hold true. So the best you can do at times is bite your tongue, smile, nod, and give them a hug. And hope that in five minutes they'll be on to some other new drama.
Ugh. Being a mom really sucks at times.
Love Always,
Teh Best Mom Evah!!!
